Our dear son called a couple of weekends ago.

He: "Mom, do you want anything from the MOMA Design Store?"

Silence on my end. (Mom is thinking

Me: "You're in NYC? By yourself?"

A friend gave him a buddy pass on Delta, but he had to fly back on my dime. So he spent a couple of happy hours in the Museum of Modern Art.

Me: "Did you go to the sculpture garden?"

Son: "Mom! It's 20! Too cold!"

Me: "Well, at least, find a window and look out!"

I know what kind of thrill it is to turn a corner and see a painting or sculpture you have only glimpsed in a book or photo. Despite all of our counseling against it, son has chosen to study art history.

Me: "But, you would make a GREAT lawyer. You're always ARGUING!"

It wasn't son's first mission in NYC. Before he got to MOMA, he ate sushi at a restaurant reviewed by Gourmet magazine editor, Ruth Reichl, in her book: Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise. Here's the link to the book: http://tinyurl.com/3dptzg However, you should read these autobiographical books in order: Tender at the Bone first, Comfort Me with Apples second, finally Garlic & Sapphires. They are about more than food, but about choices and what shapes you into an individual. And passion. (About your life's work, silly The sushi bar he went to is Kurumazushi. He says the uni was wonderful. Sassy kid!

Me: "MOMA is on 53rd St. You are 2 blocks from La Bonne Soupe. You have to eat there - for ME!" The last time we were there (http://www.labonnesoupe.com/LesBonnesSoupes.php), son was probably ten years old. He does remember eating the mushroom barley soup with Aunty Toshiko. (She lives in Jersey City and works at Dow Jones above Grand Central. On 9/11 she made her way home somehow on a ferry. Her usual route involved the subway and the Path train out of the twin towers.)

Some 16 years before that, we had eaten there the first time. We'd been married a year, and were on our way to Europe. I must have read about the restaurant in a guidebook. I had a bowl of sinfully rich crab bisque, bread, salad, a glass of passable wine and NY cheesecake (the kind with the thin layer of sour cream on top) that was to die for! I think it cost all of $9 or $10! So, son ate the same soup, bread, salad, wine, but with chocolate mousse for dessert. And loved it. That same meal is now $15.75. And a bargain in NYC!

The next day, he went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. He'll have to go back to New York City, as there's still the Guggenheim and the Whitney. And the Museum of Natural Science. Greenwich Village, Soho, South St. Seaport, Battery Park, Staten Island. And Broadway. And Central Park in warmer weather.

He's seeing things on his own. It's what you want your children to do. Be independent.

Sassy kid.

"The wife wants to know what other words there are for that."

"Huh? What! Why?" The guys in the cigar shop couldn't believe their ears, but ten or so of them came up with twenty-something examples. Most of which I'd never heard of!

I'll just share two of them: "yarbles" and "male camel toes".

Heh.

My final word: you guys talk about your packages much more than women do about theirs.

And that's Too Much Information!

The excitement is over school libraries deciding not to put this book on their shelves. Parents should be the ones to decide what their children should read. Here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/3xc9zu

Here's the author's take on it all: http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA6416836.html

When you keep age-appropriate information from children, they end up getting the wrong information.

I can't help but look at this from the standpoint of being a parent FIRST. I was very honest with my son. Still, he learned a lot from his schoolmates and playmates. He is an adult now, and seems to be a thoughtful, considerate and polite one. That's what I've been told. I hope so.

You can't shelter your children from the world. If you attempt this, they will either run (screaming away from your parental constraints, or just not be prepared. I love my son, but he's got to live many more years WITHOUT me than he has WITH me and my husband.

The right books (which may be different for each child) can help prepare your child for life in the real world. Just don't take away our right to choose whether we want to borrow them or not by not putting them out there on the shelf because a few people think they're bad.

WE need to make that choice, each of us, for ourselves.

I admit it. I can't figure it out, and I don't know what to do next.

I invited my gf to a BBQ Monday at my bro's house. Her first question was how much rent does he pay. I have a rough idea; I just told her it's an insane amount. I thought that was rude. Maybe I'm wrong.

The food was great. Bro had picked up steamed shrimp and spicy sushi. Ted was grilling the NY strip steaks that I seasoned with Hawaiian salt and Emeril's Bamstuff. I put together a quick salad with greens, cucumber, sweet grape tomatoes, blueberries and blueberry/pomegranate dressing. There were 3 kinds of sashimi: ahi, salmon and au. Dessert was chantilly cake and samurai sherbet. There was a choice of herbal teas.

But, gf wouldn't listen to anyone else's opinions on wine or our experiences in Sonoma, Napa and South Bay. She made like she's the expert because she's from California. Well, I don't drink a lot. I think wine is made to drink with food.

I do try different wines every time I go out, so that might be 2 glasses every 3 weeks. Plus, DH trusts me to pick out something he'll enjoy. So that's 4 wines I get to taste about every 3 weeks.

I'm not a wine snob: there are great wines from France, Italy, Spain, Oregon, Washington, New Zealand, Australia and Chile. And you don't need to spend a lot to get a decent bottle of wine. It may not be great wine, but it'll be to my taste.

For years, wines from CA were so alcoholic and heavily oaked, they tasted like planks of wood. When I saw "Sideways", I embarrassed my son by saying out loud that I was drinking pinot noir 5 years before the sad sacks in the movie. I don't plan it, but I seem to be ahead of whatever is trendy. Basically, I think it's common sense: winemakers have to make stuff that people can drink with food, and doesn't break the bank. Anyway, I regularly read about wine and enjoy it. Gf just kept going on and on, as if no one else had an opinion.

It just got worse. I don't know if she doesn't get to talk to adults in her work. DH says she hogs the conversation, like most lonely people. She kept talking at a steamroller pace. And she was obnoxious. Maybe it was the wine she drank that was talking.

Of course, what happens when you do this for a while? Well, you run out of steam!

She forgot to bring her pain meds with her, so she was crashing.

It was hard to be in the same room with her. I was embarrassed. I had to talk to bro while gf talked to DH because she wasn't talking to either of us! Very strange.

I can't even talk to bro about this. Or apologize, yet. I thought it was pretty bad that she only talked to DH when bro was the host. Maybe it was because he told her she shouldn't smoke with all the pain meds. And he's a former cigarette smoker.

I need some distance from this before I talk to him. I need to think about it.

I had asked gf if she wanted to go to the Academy of Arts reception, but she acted like I was doing HER a favor. We are picking up another girlfriend. One who knows how to have a balanced conversation. I know both DH and I will enjoy catching up with her.

How bad is it when you DON'T want someone you invited to come because you know you won't be able to relax? I thought the BBQ was going to be relaxing for all of us. It wasn't.

Every day, I think I have figured most things out, but I live and learn there's a lot I don't know.

______________

March 6, 2007

Update:

I let bro call me, 'cause I figured that's when he would be ready to talk.

He had 3 observations.

First: why all the drama? She cried telling the story of how she got injured. He's heard many stories of pain from his clients, but never this kind of emotional hooha.

Second: for a person in that much pain, she walked OK. Bro has observed clients with pain and the way they walk and carry themselves shows their pain. I couldn't comment on this until now. I know I'm walking funny - stiffly - 'cause I pulled something the other day.

Third: when you're the host, and you're watching someone acting badly, he decided the best thing to do was be quiet. Chee - we so freaking Japanese, yeah? Polite, try not to notice someone having a meltdown!

She booked a massage for 2 days later and cancelled the day before. I said that was best, as she was already questioning his parameters and likely would not have done the stretching required.

I did call her before she left, but did not get an e-mail in reply until the end of the week. The tone was... detached.

Well, I think I'm in the Twilight Zone or it's deja vu. I'm back in high school or college, and listening to a friend's troubles. The problem is the friend can ONLY seek me out when she's in trouble.

It's the classic story of the Foul Weather friend!

OK, dear readers, what's the next chapter in the story? You write it!

BTW: I don't give whacks!

So, if DH asked me out on a date, I think he forgot how for ack!

His sister is here to watch their mom for a month, so he has Fridays and Mondays off. He kept checking with me to be sure I knew we were going out last night, but when he picked me up from work, I thought we were headed home to rest a bit and change clothes. That was the last plan he'd shared with me.

Instead, we went straight downtown. Even after crawling through traffic, that turned out to be the best idea. We ended up parking in the Beretania/Smith lot. The exit opens onto Pauahi, which has turned into a weird mix of local shops, downtown denizens, upscale spots like HASR (wineshop) and Grand Cafe, and more.

We went down Bethel Street, past Soul de Cuba (DH wants to eat there because of a cigar buddy's recommendation) but I told him I thought the food was OK but salty.

Instead, we popped into Brasserie du Vin. It looks like a snotty place, but the waitstaff is really welcoming. It was seat yourself, and, as usual, the best seat available was too close to some loudly obnoxious dntn aloha shirt and high heel types anxious to let everyone know they're not local. Thank goodness for great food. When they were stuffing themselves, they could not share their priceless opinions on poi, laulau and lomi salmon. "Hey," said the loudest one, "we know it's just SALSA." Urgghhh.

The long, narrow front room has a bar and lots of tables. There is another room in the back that I forgot to peek into. We sat in an open area in the middle, under an umbrella. Other small tables were under an overhang, or out in the open. You could almost imagine you were in Italy, France or Greece (I think. I've never been to the last place.)

The beer was in bottles, but DH still enjoyed the Moosehead. I had a couple of pricey glasses of red wine (and they were really thin, nice, crystal glasses Yup, WHAT the wine is served in DOES make a difference! And no, I'm not a snob. I just enjoy it more!

Here's what we ate:

- Smoked salmon nicoise (big chunks, and not smoky enough, with potatoes, greens, capers and olives) It was OK, but I'll order something different next time.
- Prosciutto - a very small serving, but a good quality
- Escargots with green garlic butter - yum! - there were SEVEN of them. Lots of bread to sop up the buttery stuff.
- Mussels with pommes frites - what is this? The mussels are steamed in butter, wine and spices and garlic. The pommes frites are McDonald's-style french fries served on top. This is a winner.

The prices are up there - $14 for the mussels and salmon.

The good part? Monday to Friday, between 4 and 6 pm, the appetizers on the menu are 1/2 off! The food turned out to be much better than what I'd had at Soul de Cuba.

It was a good chance to catch up on a lot of things that 2 married people still don't get to talk about between the morning rush and the afternoon to evening winding down, dinner and dishes.

So how come DH forgets to go to the ATM before picking me up? (sigh) I paid for the above feast.

After that, we looked for DH's ATM before I pointed out Bar 35, 39 hotel and Next Door. I've decided I can only go to those places if they have movies or better music. Meaning jazz or blues. That trance stuff just numbs me out, and looking at posers and players is not my thing.

We swept past Gold Gate and Kekai's on one side of King Street - I swear I heard Auntie Lynn's laugh, but did not see her! - Smith's Union Bar on the other side. We ended up back on Pauahi and popped into Art at Mark's Garage to see the Shelter exhibit (about homelessness). Thought-provoking: Cinderella-like dress as shelter, complete with model, grocery-bag roof and boat recycled as home. Yes, man is responsible for global warming and the trashing of his own home, Planet Earth.

We just missed the lions dancing, and went up Nuuanu past Roy Venter's (the best jazz music in Chinatown First Friday is on the truck parked there, but they were on a break), past Pegge Hopper's gallery and up to the more laid-back area with chalang-alang group. My friend, Sandy, was presiding over her tables with earrings and Avon. She was just back from Costa Rica, and told us a parade with 3500 horses is 3000 horses - maybe even 3400 - too many. After the first ten minutes, the smell - well, you can guess.

However, her romantic Costa Rican DH had a mariachi group serenade her, and she while she enjoyed the food and even some "awesome" hamburgers there, she was glad to come back to white rice and raw fish!

Walmart and globalization, the loss of culture and values is coming even to the little, rural hometown of her DH, 20 minutes away from the capital of Costa Rica, San Jose. She says it is so different - developed - in just four years since they were last there.

We went back down Nuuanu and up to the Dragon Upstairs for a nightcap. The atmosphere and hospitality of Hank, the owner, outweighed the music and drinks. With better choices, we'll be back!

Back to the car, and it was too early to go home. How about the new coffee bar at Ward Center, Satura? I liked the small Americanos, which are big anywhere else, and the cheescake was good.

We'd started before 5 pm, and were home by 10:30. But then, we ARE old!